Posted in Relationship

How to avoid the Clinton-Trump burns in your relationship

clinton_trump_splitNow that a result of the catastrophe is out, are you the boastful winner and your boyfriend the sulky loser or vice versa? Are you having every day, never ending, resentful debates that are making you wonder whether the election or your life is a jest? Well, guess what, you’re not the only one suffering from this plight! Relationships are being broken off, or being given ultimatums to, or in the worst case scenarios being screamed into tears everyday just because couples forgot to stick to these wise commandments.

  1. ACCEPT EACH OTHER’S VIEWS

You cannot change yours or your man’s views and opinions. Instead of attacking him and taking your shit to another level, it is always more advisable to accept the reality rather than doing permanent damage. Respect each other’s perspective maybe?

  1. BE SUBTLE

Now when you are aware that both of you do not share a common ground, instead of fuelling the fire and throwing a barrage of accusations, you might want to be subtle with your words. You may ask point blank questions as an alternative, but be sure not to sound derogatory.

  1. FORM SOME GROUND RULES

You can lay some basic rules with your partner about the territories you can touch and the ones which are off-limits while having a political discussion. A good tip- Always take time outs between arguments instead of continuing them for hours. The prolonged hours of anxiety builds up worst reactions than normally expected.

  1. DO NOT GO TO BED ANGRY

Make sure that no matter whether it is 2 am or 2 pm, you resolve a conflict rather than sleeping it off. Because chances are that things might get to “Tell him to make his own coffee”, “Ask her to take the dog out for a walk” when you wake up.

  1. ASK YOURSELF IF IT IS WORTH IT

You need to realize if having polar opposite political views is that big a factor to you, if it is more important than your family, or your kids, or your faiths and beliefs. You have to be clear on these terms and ask clarity from your partner’s point as well. Because, if it’s not worth it, then neither is the need to endure these painful conversations.

  1. AVOID FRIENDS AND COMPANY WHO MAKE IT A POINT TO TALK ABOUT POLITICS

You’d rather steer clear of anyone who drags you and your partner into a political debate. It’s not going to be a pretty sight when you talk about it with friends, instead might get uglier, considering there would be too many people around encouraging your view points.

  1. TRY TO STEP INTO EACH OTHER’S SHOES

It is always better to go to roots than fishing out on the surface. Find out the cause of their beliefs, ask what makes them defend or oppose views and try to analyse why he/she is the way he/she is. If you accomplish to understand from where their thoughts are originated, it should be easy peezy from there on.

  1. REALIZE THAT YOUR PARTNER IS NOT BAD

Or stupid to have opinions which aren’t homogeneous with yours. Make sure it is not the sole criteria of how you start viewing your partner or your relationship. If you do not want to head towards the doom, you have to work on not making your partner feel as if he is a fool for having his own outlooks. You cannot invalidate his feelings as an exchange for boosting up your ego.

  1. SEPARATE YOUR PERSONAL AND POLITICAL VIEWS

Do not bring in personal accusations or “You did this two years ago”, “You said that last Christmas” from the past. It is not going to help you win the argument instead bring about new things to the surface to fight upon.

  1. SEEK THERAPY

If you feel that things are getting out of control and the relationship is going towards a dead end, it is always better to seek help from someone professional who is neutral towards your beliefs rather than talking to friends and family. After all, not every relationship bumps can be fixed by two people alone and it is completely okay to have differences and have your own ways and paths to fix things.

Posted in Relationship

It Doesn’t make sense until it Does

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It just doesn’t make sense. They say they’re gonna stick with you, through the good and the bad.  And the minute things turn ugly, they’re already making their way to the door. It just doesn’t make sense.

They say they want to see the best and the worst side of you.  But they won’t accept it after it’s shown to them. It just doesn’t make sense.

You’ve had conversations with them about your insecurities and abandonment issues and they’d still pull out stunts that threatens that.

I know, it just doesn’t make sense. None of it does.

But, one day, it’ll.

Because if they hadn’t done all this, you’d have never known that they weren’t “THE ONE”.  Because the one, the right one, wouldn’t do this.  They wouldn’t do this to hurt you, or exploit your weakness, they wouldn’t give up on you, no matter how hard it gets, they’d always come back, no matter how ugly it gets, they’d know your worth when they have you, and not after they’ve driven you crazy to the point the you’ve left.

And you wouldn’t know the difference if you weren’t on the receiving end of the worst, if you weren’t the one being taken for granted every single day, you wouldn’t know the difference if you hadn’t felt like a piece of shit.  So if you’re out there, feeling hopeless and worthless, just know that, you’re being prepared for what you asked for, that is , “the right one”.

So take this as a learning, get back up, fight it, stand tall and keep hoping . Because this isn’t the end .And it certainly isn’t just it .It’ll make sense.

Don’t be scared that there won’t be any better than this, don’t be scared to get out of an emotionally abusive relationship just because you think you won’t get any better, because you’ll get BETTER and not because you deserve it, but because you fought for it.

Leave what doesn’t make you happy and fight for what does. It will make sense with the RIGHT ONE. It has to .  BECAUSE then you’d know that you didn’t fight this war for nothing.

And this certainly, isn’t nothing.

 

More articles on – http://www.puckermob.com/contributors/meehika-barua

Posted in Relationship

WHY GIRLS WITH DADDY ISSUES EXPECT TOO MUCH

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It’s easier to grow without a father than to grow with a father who isn’t a father to you. Our daddies play a crucial part in our life. No matter how strong or amazing or tough your mother is, you always need your daddy, she can never fill up those big shoes. A mother cannot be a father and a father cannot be a mother. Those two are very different roles. Growing up with a father who is completely opposite of an ideal father, who is selfish to his needs, who has never been there for you, who has never treated your mother the way she deserves, who has never rode you on his back like his princess or made you feel secured enough, or has never protected you enough, makes you not only vulnerable, but really destroys your emotional backbone. Coming from a broken home, it’s a totally different drill. You’re not getting the love from the right places, so you try to find it in everything. You trust too quick, you love too much, your insecurities are too deep, your instincts too far.
It’s not only about being vulnerable; it’s not about falling for every other  guy who bats his eye lashes on you, it’s not about wanting a lot of attention, it’s about your father never being there for you, the fact that your dad hasn’t ever been good to you, until and unless it came with a motive. So the minute someone else does something nice out of his way for you , you feel like you don’t deserve it and you need to question it, or that he has some ulterior motive for being nice to you, or that you owe him really big for doing something generous. Having daddy issues really screws with your mindset and the ways you perceive things.
And then there is always the fear of finding his habits in someone you love. That’s really scary. Or discovering that you might be a little like him. That’s scarier. Because you grew up with this monster who has done nothing but wrecked your life. You have seen the pathetic habits, the lack of any responsibility, the careless attitude. And then You see your friend’s dads , you see how much they love and care about their daughters and you wonder whatever you sinned, to get a dad like yours, to not have a real father for father’s day when all your friends are posting pictures on social networking sites about how amazing their fathers are.
This exactly is why girls with daddy issues expect too much out of their man. Because they never had anyone to look up to during their growing years, they never had any man in their life whom they could respect immensely, they never knew how guys are supposed to treat women. This is also the reason why so many girls hang on to relationships that don’t make them happy, why they can’t let go of partners who are emotionally abusive, they stick to guys who don’t deserve them, they expect so much out of their boyfriends that it freaks out the guy and he leaves, because honestly, having daddy issues not only makes you feel worthless, but also renders you clueless about who you are, where you stand and what you deserve. When you don’t have a protecting father who doesn’t stay up late nights until you get home safe, when you don’t have a big strong hand holding you, worrying that you might fall, when you don’t have a man telling you how precious you are, and what all you deserve, when you don’t have a tall and fearless figure beside whom you can hide, you’re pretty much out there on your own without a backbone and growing without a backbone pretty much flaws you in a number of ways. You’re too dependent, too scared, too caring, too much of everything.
So, this is for every guy out there who knows or doesn’t know about his girl’s daddy issues, trust me when I say this, it’s not easy. It’s not easy for her. She’d have been more laid back if she could, she’d have been more secure if she could, and she’d expect less if she could. But the reason she is this way, the reason she is all dark and twisty, is because she has seen too much. It isn’t a flaw, it’s a strength. She knows that whatever happens, she will get through the worst, because she has survived the worst. She still has hope. It makes her who she is. So if you cannot understand why she is the way she is, if you can’t sit with her, listen to her childhood and understand her struggles, if you cannot be patient enough and accept her darkness as a part of the bright colours she paints, if you cannot stand strong and sturdy like a tree through a wind, then please do not stay. Because she is too good and she is too forgiving to throw you out. If she can forgive her dad for all the wrongs that he has done and still can hope that one day he realizes what he has done, then she’d see you in the same light.
So please, don’t take advantage of that like her father did. Please don’t be that man that he is. Because one day, when she wakes up and finds out that you did the same what he did to her, she’d still forgive you, but you might never be able to forgive yourself.
So, if you’re not up for that burden, don’t take it up.

For further posts of mine, please visit http://www.puckermob.com/contributors/meehika-barua

Posted in Relationship

Stop Trying to Cover Up Your Pain

Ever since we were kids, we learnt to cover it up. You bruise your knee; cover it up with a bandage. Your parents find out something unacceptable, make up a lie, and cover it up. Your arms are too fat, wear lose fitting clothes, cover it up. Before we know it, covering it up became an answer to everything. It might not solve anything, but yet we cover it up. You won’t learn to take precautions, to own up to mistakes and not lie, to exercise and keep yourselves fit, the crux is that humans won’t do what is necessarily essential and what the situation demands, because we have an option that is less risky, which makes us look less like an idiot, which is a short cut, that is our “ cover it up” option.
But what happens when you are bleeding inside? When you are hurting inside?  When all you want to do is scream and cry and feel like a piece of shit? What do you do then? How do you cover that up? When your heart is hurting from a betrayal or abandonment? Or simply because you finally realize that you place your worth in the hands of someone who was absolutely worthless. What do you do then? How do you cover that up? Is it through smiling at those shutterbugs that you later post on your social media to give them a message that you’re much better without them? Or is It through finding a rebound just to give your heart a solace that maybe they come back to you seeing you happy with someone else? Or is it through finishing bottles of vodka tonic that you wake up with terrible hangovers having no idea about the people you spent your evenings with?
Why are we so afraid of reality? Why do we have to cover it up? Okay, you are  sick to the bottom of your stomach , it’s disgusting to feel this way, you feel like you are going to die with the amount of sorrows you are dealing with, I know that. But you cannot be overly joyed and happy throughout your life, every single day, and every single second. That’s not mental health, that’s crap. And covering it up with the wrong means is a bigger load of crap.
I am not saying that covering it up isn’t required. Your wounds will make you bleed to death if you do not do something about them. But, you have to realize the difference between temporary and permanent covering. There is no point, absolutely no point, doing more damage than good. There is no point smiling and laughing doing things you hate doing, just to cover up your sorrows or to prove something to someone. It’s like doing a heart transplant on someone who needs a brain surgery. There is no point. And the sooner you realize that, find the source of your pain, do what is actually necessary,  the sooner you take responsibility  and decide to cover it up positively, permanently, sustainably, the better you are going to get every day. I promise. Until then, you are going to have to feel like this.
There are times in life where you have to stay put during the worst of the storms. You have to sit it out and hope for the best rather than running in the opposite direction and hurting yourself. My advice – START SMALL. I am not going to give you a load of therapy talk saying read your favourite books, or go for a walk by yourself, maintain a journal  or take up a hobby that’s painting or music etcetera etcetera. That’s for you to decide, however you want to proceed. All I am saying is , start small, have patience and courage, and do not give up. You don’t build up mountains in a day. Start small and continue the gradual slope. It’s going to take a lot of time, a hell lot of time, but hey, at least it is towards something that will be worth it in the end right? Something that will count? Like doing a brain surgery on someone who actually needs one? You see what I mean?
For more of my articles, please visit    http://www.puckermob.com/contributors/meehika-barua