Posted in Life Hacks, Relationship

Stepping Into A Twenty Something Relationship After The Teen Ones

In that moment when you enter your twenties and bid adieu to those old goodie teenage years, not only are you in for a memorable and crazy decade ahead but also for a drastic change in your relationship patterns. It won’t be the ‘holding hands, prom perfect, PDA’ kinda relationships any more, but instead the ‘emotionally stable, supportive’, kinda relationships. And here is how you will know.

His Looks Wouldn’t Be A Major Factor To Date

Of course looks matter. Who doesn’t want to wake up to a handsome face every morning? But this is when you finally grow up. It won’t be the sole criteria of your man’s attractiveness. You’ll find yourself adoring his skills, habits, opinions much more than his simple good looks.

Distance Wouldn’t Lead To Insecurity

So you both have busy work schedules and haven’t seen each other since weeks, yet it doesn’t make you go crazy. Sounds familiar? Hell yeah, say goodbye to petty insecurity issues! You wouldn’t be beating yourself up wondering if this would affect your relationship, because in your heart you know that he is as understanding towards your commitments as you are towards his.

You’d Know How To Differentiate Between A Keeper And A Jerk

He has explained it to you as to why he was cheating on his last girlfriend and still manages to have a solid explanation when you got hold of his current messages/emails to another chick? Thanks to your dating history and experience of all these years you are now fully aware of the tricks and tactics. You would no more bend over backwards to give men chances they don’t deserve.

Parent’s Opinions Would Be Important

Unlike before, when you’d say, “I don’t care what you think about him, he makes me feel special”, you’d be more open to your parent’s judgements since you realize they are more experienced and want nothing but the best for you.

You’d Not Be Scared If He Hangs Out With Your Girlfriends

Let’s just admit it that it’s always scarier for a girl to see her boyfriend fall for her friend instead of a random girl at the bar. Well, whether it’s the former or the latter, these worries don’t trouble you anymore because you trust him and are aware that he loves you for your own qualities that aren’t present in any of those girls.

You Don’t Make Him Your Entire World

Albeit you love spending time with him, you make sure that he is not the only constant thing on your mind. You indulge in your hobbies, work, social life, as much as you indulge in your relationship.

Having The Courage To Walk Out

If you feel the relationship has ceased to contribute to your growth or happiness, you aren’t afraid to end it on good terms, no matter how painful it is. You realize that not everything is meant to stay just because you want them to.

Making The Right Compromises

If there’s anything you learn from the relationships in your twenties, is selflessness. In one line -Knowing when to put his happiness in front of yours and when not to. So you don’t really mind making decisions that might not be the best fit for you, but would make him immensely happy.

You Aren’t Embarrassed To Talk To Your Partner About Your Sex Life

Whether it’s about trying out new positions or new places for sex, it’s not a conversation you have to rehearse out before going live. You are at ease and don’t have to worry about awkward judgements.

Respecting Your Relationship With Yourself

You know your needs and love yourself more than the guy. You aren’t waiting for him to take charge and bring happiness in your life or for him to take care of you, because you Atta Girl have it figured already. That’s when you know that you are completely independent to have a healthy relationship.

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Posted in Life Hacks

Blurred Lines On The Border Of Childhood And Adulthood

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It’s weird how one day you wake up, look at yourself in the mirror and realize that you are a different person altogether.  You try to recall how it happened because your face looks exactly how it did a day ago, or a week ago, or a month ago, or a year ago.  The moment of realization just hits you and you start calculating, rewinding, reanalysing. 

You try to remember the last time you went out clubbing or actually said yes to a plan with your ‘ever partying youthful friends’, the last time you had a boy on your mind instead of work priorities, the last time you were hyper-ventilating because of a relationship problem and not because of your constant fear that you would never be one of the greats and that the world would beat you down if you aren’t great enough at what you do,  the last time you said yes to sudden vacation plans with your girlies instead of sudden quality family time,  the last time you were obsessing over the pictures on social media and not over successful stories of successful people on the Forbes or Times magazine. 

You can’t really figure it out as to when exactly this change crept it’s way into your life.

You brew your coffee and you think, and you think, and you think. How did this stage come so early in your life when all your friends are just dropping drunk and having fun?

Are they aimless or are you too ambitious? Do they have everything planned out or are you just trying to be a stuck-up perfectionist? Are you really that busy or are they really that free? Have you started becoming anti-social or does wasted time repel you more than wasted money and wasted friends?  Are you a pompous snob for thinking this way or are you just trying to think like an adult? Are you giving up on life’s fun moments or are you just trying not to miss out on adulthood?

You sip your coffee gingerly and you realize that not everyone’s path has to be the same. Not everyone wants the same things from life as you do. Not everyone seeks the rush, the zeal, the covet of being infinite, the constant itching to be great,the passion to be travelling all around the world doing what you love, to meet new people every single day who lift you up and connect with your intellect.

You look at your half empty cup of coffee on the kitchen counter and wonder if you are going to regret it. You sigh, and you look at the birds outside, flying without fear, without bondage, without burden, without the worries of finding a home, without a care in the world. 

You look down at your half full cup of coffee and know that it’s going to be worth it. Every moment, every second spent, every sweat laboured, every tear, every laughter, throughout your journey would be worth it.

If those birds out there have a home to go back to every evening and a reason to wake up to with the sunrise every morning, then why wouldn’t you?  You realize that albeit your path is the most unclear part of your life right now, it doesn’t eradicate the purpose of it. Maybe this is the hardest part of growing up.  When you don’t really have answers to everything and all you can do is take one step at a time and keep moving. 

Just get through the day and keep polishing yourself through every step. Repeat.

You finish your coffee and you smile. You smile not because there is an eerie feeling about calmness during chaos, about keeping yourself composed when you have waves of turmoil crashing inside you, about being in repose when you are delirious, but because you know that you’d be contemplating the same thoughts over coffee tomorrow morning and there is absolutely nothing you can do about it. 

You are going to feel the heat of panic one moment and the congenial tranquillity the next.

So until you figure it out, Repeat.

Posted in Life Hacks

This coming year, make yourself bulletproof

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As I reflect back on the last year, I see that there have been so many people that I’ve had to literally shut out of my life. Like on purpose throw them out or instead pull out stunts that put them off and force them to leave. It’s not because they started being toxic, or weren’t good enough, but because somehow their presence wasn’t contributing in a positive way in my life. As many of you who know me, it’s very hard for me to let go of people, especially the ones who’ve done things for me. And because of that I keep trying, trying and sticking out for them until I reach a saturation point for one of us. I could never be like, “okay I’ve given this person the margin for all the debts I’m due, and I can’t anymore, so fuck it.” Instead I’ve always been this “okay, this person has been there for me, so no matter how many a times he/she is a total jerk asshole, I’m going to bear it out and stick out for them” girl.

It’s only this year that I realized how important it was for me to let these people go, no literally, shut them off, throw them out, whatever. Not because they were bad people, no they weren’t, but because our frequencies couldn’t match anymore.

We stumble upon strangers and choose them as friends because they match our wavelengths or in some ways, connect to us on a whole different level.

But it doesn’t mean that you get to keep them forever and force their existence in your life. You’ve to ask yourself – is a friendship/relationship even a friendship/relationship when it starts feeling like a mountain on your back? When it starts getting exhausting? When you’re in a table full of people who are having dumb judgemental conversations, and you’re just sitting there smiling through your way because you’ve to be there for some reason, looking at your watch and wondering when the hell would you be outta here?

There have been so many a times that I’ve had to be around people just because of one friend whose company I don’t even enjoy and I come home feeling exhausted and utterly feeling “what a waste of time”. Sometimes, I have pitied myself as to why I would let myself go through such a strenuous process?

And it’s only this year that I realized that I do not owe anyone anything, that I do not have to be supportive to anyone other than me, that the only thing that I owe is to this world that keeps supplying endless opportunities my way with endless people. It’s only this year I realized that in the process of building myself as a person who I can respect, I have to not let myself down to prevent ‘not letting others down.’

As this year ends, please take out time to introspect and find the holes of toxicity.

You don’t have to start shooting those holes already. Take your time. But please be aware of them. So, the coming year you save yourself the time and energy of recognizing those bullets points and suffering. So, the coming year, is spent in making you bulletproof.

Well, here’s to that.

 

Posted in Life Hacks

15 Tips That Will Get You Through Rebuilding Your College Image, Even On A Pea-Sized Campus

Happy group of students

Of course you get ample opportunities and choices to take a pick for your future squad when you have 200 classmates (and like over a thousand batch mates?) that you can bond over in various language clubs or extra-curricular activities, without worrying much about your general image in college of being a ‘snob’ or a ‘bookworm’ or a ‘high handy know it all’. But what to do when you are compacted into a classroom of just 40 students who happen to have a pre-conceived notion about you (in other words – they Do Not like You At ALL)? Considering the options – a.) You change your college b.) You do nothing about it and cry your nights out because of the mean girls (college version –sigh!) c.) You turn the table and take matters in your own hands.

So if, in the name of sanity and everything that’s holy you choose the last one, here are some hand-outs as to how to deal with this mid-life crisis you’re experiencing in your last teens.

Well well well, as Blair Waldorf once quoted – “Forget Boys. Keep your eyes on the prize. YOU CAN’T MAKE PEOPLE LOVE YOU, BUT YOU CAN MAKE THEM FEAR YOU.” (Since fear isn’t an option here, let’s first stick to – respect you?)

 

  1. Pick out one or two loyal mates from your class

 

You need your class to like you. In order to do that you will need at least one or two allies who you can trust, considering the entire class is pretty much going to ignore you. So first things first, pick out those goody good people you think will stick out for you.

 

  1. Forget Groupies

 

Of course, everyone has their groups and of course, no group likes you. So you need to select one person from each group and start bonding with them. That’s how you break it up, one step at a time.

 

  1. Hangout with other batch mates

 

This gives them the idea that there is nothing wrong with you and that you are equally and completely like-able!

 

  1. Find your area of interest and excel in it

 

This is really important because when they think that you’re a ‘good for nothing’, you can actually prove them wrong by outshining them. Whether it’s joining the debate club or playing Calpurnia on stage, you really have to be the best !

 

  1. Make a very good bond with your seniors

 

Go to their parties or instead throw them one, but you really need your seniors to be on your side. Nor will it only earn you extra points in the long run, but will make your haters realize that you don’t need them to have an ultimate college experience!

 

  1. Dress well

 

Believe it or not, your attire speaks a lot about your personality. It’s not about being fashionable. Just be presentable. Avoid wearing anything that does not suit your personality or body. Because if you do not take yourself seriously, no one else will.

 

  1. Rise above

 

If people treat you like shit, it defines them, not you. The way you treat people defines you, not them. Always regard others the way you’d like to be regarded. How they treat you is up to them and not you. Rise above, because you can.

 

  1. Keep up your grades

 

Trust me; no one likes a sloppy party animal who cannot get their shit together. Maintain a balance. You cannot afford to flunk subjects that makes you look more like a loser in front of your peers.

 

  1. Spend time with your family

 

This might sound a little off-track but spending time with your family not only makes you feel good, but also teaches you not to depend on others for your happiness, considering you are getting love from the right place. It is only when we do not get love from the right places, that we start searching for it in the wrong ones.

 

  1. Pay encourage-able compliments

 

Paying compliments that are on the superficial level would only result in making you look like a total fake! Instead of telling them you like their dress or bracelet, go for something more natural and productive like “Hey! I love your music” or “Hey! I stumbled upon your art work yesterday, they’re gorgeous!”

 

  1. Date a guy with a good job

 

We all remember that high school golden rule of dating the senior football captain! That’s exactly why it is called a golden rule! It never goes out of style. Date a guy who makes you proud and is keen on taking his responsibilities. Not only does it speak about your taste, but about your sensibility as well. (You can’t date trashy college going boys anymore!)

 

  1. Get out of your comfort zone

 

Your comfort zone is the size of your shoe, and the world is as big as your college campus. You really need to get out there to make things happen. Talk to people, be out-spoken and straight forward, and develop good speaking skills. Do not be a ‘little damsel in distress’!

 

  1. Listen more

 

It goes without saying- Talk less, listen more. You don’t want to be babbling rubbish without knowledge and look daft.

 

  1. Do not be judgemental

 

If you do not want people to be judging you according to your image, you owe them the same. Always remember – Perceptions can be deceptive!

 

  1. Don’t trust everybody

 

Last but not the least; you don’t know anyone’s true intentions until you are facing it. So do not trust people easily. They might be planning your next downfall while sipping that coffee along with you. Don’t give them a chance to use anything against you.

 

With these pointers in mind, you’re good to go! All you have to do is be patient and hold your head high. You don’t build mountains overnight. And please do not pity yourself; you do not owe anyone anything. Be a badass!

 

For further posts of mine, please visit http://www.puckermob.com/contributors/meehika-barua