It’s weird how one day you wake up, look at yourself in the mirror and realize that you are a different person altogether. You try to recall how it happened because your face looks exactly how it did a day ago, or a week ago, or a month ago, or a year ago. The moment of realization just hits you and you start calculating, rewinding, reanalysing.
You try to remember the last time you went out clubbing or actually said yes to a plan with your ‘ever partying youthful friends’, the last time you had a boy on your mind instead of work priorities, the last time you were hyper-ventilating because of a relationship problem and not because of your constant fear that you would never be one of the greats and that the world would beat you down if you aren’t great enough at what you do, the last time you said yes to sudden vacation plans with your girlies instead of sudden quality family time, the last time you were obsessing over the pictures on social media and not over successful stories of successful people on the Forbes or Times magazine.
You can’t really figure it out as to when exactly this change crept it’s way into your life.
You brew your coffee and you think, and you think, and you think. How did this stage come so early in your life when all your friends are just dropping drunk and having fun?
Are they aimless or are you too ambitious? Do they have everything planned out or are you just trying to be a stuck-up perfectionist? Are you really that busy or are they really that free? Have you started becoming anti-social or does wasted time repel you more than wasted money and wasted friends? Are you a pompous snob for thinking this way or are you just trying to think like an adult? Are you giving up on life’s fun moments or are you just trying not to miss out on adulthood?
You sip your coffee gingerly and you realize that not everyone’s path has to be the same. Not everyone wants the same things from life as you do. Not everyone seeks the rush, the zeal, the covet of being infinite, the constant itching to be great,the passion to be travelling all around the world doing what you love, to meet new people every single day who lift you up and connect with your intellect.
You look at your half empty cup of coffee on the kitchen counter and wonder if you are going to regret it. You sigh, and you look at the birds outside, flying without fear, without bondage, without burden, without the worries of finding a home, without a care in the world.
You look down at your half full cup of coffee and know that it’s going to be worth it. Every moment, every second spent, every sweat laboured, every tear, every laughter, throughout your journey would be worth it.
If those birds out there have a home to go back to every evening and a reason to wake up to with the sunrise every morning, then why wouldn’t you? You realize that albeit your path is the most unclear part of your life right now, it doesn’t eradicate the purpose of it. Maybe this is the hardest part of growing up. When you don’t really have answers to everything and all you can do is take one step at a time and keep moving.
Just get through the day and keep polishing yourself through every step. Repeat.
You finish your coffee and you smile. You smile not because there is an eerie feeling about calmness during chaos, about keeping yourself composed when you have waves of turmoil crashing inside you, about being in repose when you are delirious, but because you know that you’d be contemplating the same thoughts over coffee tomorrow morning and there is absolutely nothing you can do about it.
You are going to feel the heat of panic one moment and the congenial tranquillity the next.
So until you figure it out, Repeat.