It’s easier to grow without a father than to grow with a father who isn’t a father to you. Our daddies play a crucial part in our life. No matter how strong or amazing or tough your mother is, you always need your daddy, she can never fill up those big shoes. A mother cannot be a father and a father cannot be a mother. Those two are very different roles. Growing up with a father who is completely opposite of an ideal father, who is selfish to his needs, who has never been there for you, who has never treated your mother the way she deserves, who has never rode you on his back like his princess or made you feel secured enough, or has never protected you enough, makes you not only vulnerable, but really destroys your emotional backbone. Coming from a broken home, it’s a totally different drill. You’re not getting the love from the right places, so you try to find it in everything. You trust too quick, you love too much, your insecurities are too deep, your instincts too far.
It’s not only about being vulnerable; it’s not about falling for every other guy who bats his eye lashes on you, it’s not about wanting a lot of attention, it’s about your father never being there for you, the fact that your dad hasn’t ever been good to you, until and unless it came with a motive. So the minute someone else does something nice out of his way for you , you feel like you don’t deserve it and you need to question it, or that he has some ulterior motive for being nice to you, or that you owe him really big for doing something generous. Having daddy issues really screws with your mindset and the ways you perceive things.
And then there is always the fear of finding his habits in someone you love. That’s really scary. Or discovering that you might be a little like him. That’s scarier. Because you grew up with this monster who has done nothing but wrecked your life. You have seen the pathetic habits, the lack of any responsibility, the careless attitude. And then You see your friend’s dads , you see how much they love and care about their daughters and you wonder whatever you sinned, to get a dad like yours, to not have a real father for father’s day when all your friends are posting pictures on social networking sites about how amazing their fathers are.
This exactly is why girls with daddy issues expect too much out of their man. Because they never had anyone to look up to during their growing years, they never had any man in their life whom they could respect immensely, they never knew how guys are supposed to treat women. This is also the reason why so many girls hang on to relationships that don’t make them happy, why they can’t let go of partners who are emotionally abusive, they stick to guys who don’t deserve them, they expect so much out of their boyfriends that it freaks out the guy and he leaves, because honestly, having daddy issues not only makes you feel worthless, but also renders you clueless about who you are, where you stand and what you deserve. When you don’t have a protecting father who doesn’t stay up late nights until you get home safe, when you don’t have a big strong hand holding you, worrying that you might fall, when you don’t have a man telling you how precious you are, and what all you deserve, when you don’t have a tall and fearless figure beside whom you can hide, you’re pretty much out there on your own without a backbone and growing without a backbone pretty much flaws you in a number of ways. You’re too dependent, too scared, too caring, too much of everything.
So, this is for every guy out there who knows or doesn’t know about his girl’s daddy issues, trust me when I say this, it’s not easy. It’s not easy for her. She’d have been more laid back if she could, she’d have been more secure if she could, and she’d expect less if she could. But the reason she is this way, the reason she is all dark and twisty, is because she has seen too much. It isn’t a flaw, it’s a strength. She knows that whatever happens, she will get through the worst, because she has survived the worst. She still has hope. It makes her who she is. So if you cannot understand why she is the way she is, if you can’t sit with her, listen to her childhood and understand her struggles, if you cannot be patient enough and accept her darkness as a part of the bright colours she paints, if you cannot stand strong and sturdy like a tree through a wind, then please do not stay. Because she is too good and she is too forgiving to throw you out. If she can forgive her dad for all the wrongs that he has done and still can hope that one day he realizes what he has done, then she’d see you in the same light.
So please, don’t take advantage of that like her father did. Please don’t be that man that he is. Because one day, when she wakes up and finds out that you did the same what he did to her, she’d still forgive you, but you might never be able to forgive yourself.
So, if you’re not up for that burden, don’t take it up.
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